Change Is Easy When You're Not The One Doing It

Introducing the Courage Chronicles

Image licensed from Adobe Stock

Have you ever watched from the sidelines as someone else, somebody just like you, was in the arena, fighting for their dreams? How did that feel?

This is the first in a series of stories I am going to publish on the critical role that courage plays in creating meaningful, if not essential, change in someone’s life. Real people, not social media influencers. Just ordinary men, women, and children who have chosen to show up and rise up.

I will be calling it ‘The Courage Chronicles.’

Change is easy when you’re not the one doing it.

How many times have you imagined yourself summoning the courage to do something that scares you? If the answer to that question is ‘zero,’ then you are not living, you are existing.

• It takes courage for a single mother of three to work two jobs to feed, clothe, and house her children.

• It takes courage for an obese man to admit his addiction to food and aversion to exercise and then visit a doctor for a checkup.

• It takes courage for an underpaid teacher to show up every day in an inner city school and touch the hearts of children.

• It takes courage for the soldier stationed on the other side of the planet at a remote outpost to train day after day for brutal combat.

• It takes courage to admit that you feel broken and need help to put the pieces back together.

I feel broken right now. I feel financially vulnerable and, at times, ashamed that I don’t have more money. The problem is, shame is paralyzing; it doesn’t solve a thing.

Here is my scenario.

• I will be sixty-nine years old in four months.

• I am in a relationship with a woman I love.

• We live two completely separate financial lives.

• I do not have enough money invested in my IRA to live comfortably into my nineties. I need to supplement my income.

• If I’m lucky, I have about thirty years to live (my father is 94).

• I love writing, but it doesn't provide enough income to support a stable lifestyle. That may change in the future, but I’m not betting on it.

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PAUSE 1: What is your scenario right now? What are your challenges, limitations, and situations?

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I have always dreamed of becoming both a writer and a therapist. I’m working on the writing, but…

Drum roll…

I have just applied to an online master's program in social work at the University of Denver. It is not inexpensive - approximately $100,000. Denver has one of the finest programs in the country. There are cheaper programs, but they either require three years to complete, don’t provide placement support in Colorado, or have mediocre reputations.

I don’t have time or money to waste.

If the University of Denver accepts me (I believe they will), upon graduation, I can apply for loan forgiveness. Loan forgiveness programs are available if I work in an area that is underserved by mental health professionals. I happen to live in such an area. There is a glaring shortage of mental health professionals worldwide.

I applied to their accelerated program, which can be completed in 20 months.

I will also be working on an editing certification program at the University of Washington.

I plan to market my editing services as I work toward becoming a licensed clinical social worker. I will continue to publish my work on Substack and Medium. Additionally, I am working with a coach to complete a book on courage, written in a style similar to The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and the Horse. I find great joy and satisfaction in writing this book, and I am going to work ferociously to see it published.

I will be busy, very busy.

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PAUSE 2: Envision a bold action plan to jumpstart your dreams. Then, take a single step in that direction.

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I toyed with the idea of pursuing an MFA in creative writing, but that would have done nothing to ease my financial anxiety. It would have fed my spirit, but not my bank account. It was not a tough choice - pursuing an MFA would have left me riddled with anxiety.

Ritual

I am accountable to myself to manifest financial and professional security. To demonstrate my commitment, I will begin each day with the following ritual (I did this for 12 years when I was competing in triathlon).

• Wake at 5:00 a.m.

• Drink one pint of water.

• Meditate for 15 minutes.

• Walk 5-8 miles.

• Go to the gym and build strength and flexibility (I’m following a program designed by Peter Attia, MD)

• Return home, eat breakfast, and get to work.

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PAUSE 3: Create a ritual that would ignite your day. If it’s so easy that it doesn’t require some sacrifice or discomfort, then you aren’t serious about making progress. Your brain pays attention to uncomfortable but meaningful rituals (the region that grows stronger is called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex).

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What is driving all of my movements, big and small? One word.

Fear.

I don’t want to find myself living off of Social Security, and, God forbid, if my relationship disappears, I don’t want to struggle to put a roof over my head.

I’ve read and listened to a dozen “bro-preneurs” who sell products and services that promise to solve my financial problems and release me from the bondage of fear. They haven’t worked for me and, quite frankly, I find them to be annoying and, at times, unscrupulous.

I live in a house that belongs to my partner. In her will, she has stipulated that the house will be transferred to her two sons. I can remain in the house so long as I can afford to pay the mortgage and expenses. If I am unable to do so, the house will be sold, and the proceeds will be used to purchase a less expensive home—a home that will also belong to her two sons.

I have a fabulous relationship with one of her sons. My relationship with her other son can best be described as hostile. I don’t trust him any further than I can throw a Buick. Hence, the fear factor.

Therefore, I have hired an attorney to review her will to determine if my legal rights are protected. I don’t mind not owning the house after her passing (it would be better if I did), I just don’t want to be thrown out on the street when I’m 80.

My partner has made it clear that at no point in our relationship is she responsible for my financial welfare. That thinking extends to what will happen should she die before me.

Fear also makes its presence known in my dreams.

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Pause #4: Where does fear manifest itself in your life? A friend once told me that everything I wanted was on the other side of fear.

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I have dreams where I find myself standing alone in the middle of the driveway next to our home. The car is packed with my things, and I am driving away for the last time. Where I am going is unknown. I feel like a wandering nomad, anchorless.

I’ve done enough therapy to realize that I’m playing the role of the helpless child in that dream, crying out for someone to rescue me. I don’t need to be rescued; I need an actionable plan, and then I need to execute it. That is how I am facing my fear.

Nobody is coming to rescue me. I am the cavalry.

I am re-inventing myself in my late sixties. If I don’t undergo this metamorphosis, I will grow stagnant, and I will most certainly suffer. Like the butterfly encapsulated in a chrysalis, if I don’t break through, I will never take flight.

That’s not going to happen. I won’t let it happen.

If you happen to find yourself in a similar predicament, feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by the mountain you have to climb, know that you can manifest the courage to show up for yourself and make shit happen.

What are you waiting for? I’ll meet you at the starting line…tomorrow morning.

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