Rights, Respect, and Responsibility
How collaborating on a Constitution can strengthen your relationships.
Have you ever tried “managing” twenty ten-year-olds? The idea itself is ridiculous. On a good day, I can manage myself - controlling anybody else ain’t going to happen. The same is true for controlling adults, by the way.
As a fourth-grade teacher, my frustration drove me to implement what I called “The Three R’s” in my classrooms over the years. It worked so well that I used it with all my students for the next twenty-five years.
The three R’s are rights, respect, and responsibility.
What I didn’t expect from focusing on the “three R’s” with children was that my personal relationships with adults would also significantly improve. More on that later.
The lessons learned in a small classroom would be applied to my life in many ways.
Do what works, not what looks glitzy.
Stapling fancy schmancy posters on classroom walls emblazoned with “Rules We Can Live By” is a worthless endeavor. Did you ever pay attention to those posters when you were in school? I thought so.
Shouting would also never work for me—it’s not my style, and it’s abusive.
One day, sitting at my desk after school, I had an epiphany that would re-engineer how I viewed relationships.
What if we convened a Constitutional Convention and had a meaningful conversation about the laws that would govern our behavior? (noticed I said ‘we’ and not ‘I’)
If our founding fathers could gather together and agree on the principles upon which an entire country could be governed, why not try the same approach in a tiny country, like a classroom?
Developing buy-in from all constituents is the only sane way to achieve a real community in which everyone is honored. Children are no different than adults - they want to be seen and heard as individuals.
The constituents were all the students (both within our classroom and elsewhere) and teachers.
The convention begins.
I framed our tiny Constitutional Convention around the three R’s—Rights, Respect, and Responsibility.
On the day of our convention, I moved all the student desks against the walls and asked each student to bring something comfortable to sit on, as we would be gathered in a circle on the floor.
I asked a child to volunteer as the scribe, keeping track of all our responses. I wanted this experience to be as much in the hands of students as possible. If you don’t own your code of conduct, it belongs to someone else and is, therefore, worthless.
If you don’t own your code of conduct, it belongs to someone else and is, therefore, worthless.
Rights
I began with rights. Sitting amidst the children in the circle, I asked…
“What are your rights in this classroom and this school?”
As students responded, our scribe wrote down each response on a large sheet of chart paper. They weren’t expecting the next question.
“What are my rights as your teacher?”
“What about your other teachers?”
Using a separate sheet of paper, the scribe dutifully recorded each idea.
Here are some examples of what the children came up with for each category (student rights, teacher rights):
Student rights
I have the right to learn.
I have the right to be safe.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to disagree.
Teacher rights
I have the right to teach.
I have the right to be safe.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to disagree.
See the pattern?
Children and adults are human beings, so it was no surprise that the lists of rights for students and teachers were almost identical.
Now we moved on to ‘Respect.”
Respect
I led with the question,
“How can I, your teacher, show that I respect you?”
Again, the children were stunned. How often does a teacher ask them such a question?
This question was followed by,
“How can you show respect for me, your teacher?”
Here are some examples of the responses:
Students
I can show respect by not talking while anyone else is talking.
I can show respect by sharing.
I can show respect by being kind.
I can show respect by showing up on time and doing my work.
I can show respect by listening to others.
Do you have chills yet?
Teacher
I can show respect by not talking while anyone else is talking.
I can show respect by sharing with members of my community.
I can show respect by being kind and compassionate, even when it’s hard.
I can show respect by giving each of you my full attention.
I can show respect by returning papers, tests, and projects quickly and with helpful feedback.
You get the point by now. Again, the two lists are almost the same.
Think back to when you were in school or university to that teacher who took forever to return assignments, and when he or she did, there was zero feedback.
How did that make you feel? Respected? I doubt it.
Studying the history of the US Constitution as a prelude to discussing responsibilities.
Next up was responsibility.
Remember, I was working alongside small children here, not adults. Looking back, every child should be able to participate in a “Rights, Respect, and Responsibility Convention.” If we did that, we might end up with more responsible adults.
Several days before our Convention, we explored the original Constitutional Convention, held in Philadephia. As a frame of reference, it took eleven years following the signing of the Declaration of Independence for this convention to convene.
Quarelling adults take a long time to untangle differences - life is messy work.
The Constitution was debated for four months before it was ratified and signed by 39 delegates, including George Washington, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin, in 1787.
Four months! But they got it done, and that document's substance remains intact.
If the Constitution is compromised, chaos would be the predictable result.
After studying the history of the writing of the United States Constitution, my students approached the drafting of their own Constitution with an uncommon seriousness of purpose.
The final ‘R’ - Responsibility
I began our conversation with the following question:
“What are your responsibilities, both within and outside this classroom?”
I wanted to convey that the time they spent together at school did not define their lives. They had family lives, community lives, and sports lives to consider.
Here is a sampling of what they came up with…
I am responsible for my behavior and not someone else’s.
I am responsible for asking questions when I do not understand something.
I am responsible for helping others when I see someone in need.
I am responsible for doing the right thing.
I am responsible for arriving at school ready to learn.
These are actual responses from real kids. I found myself choked up and on the verge of tears.
Then, I asked them what they thought my responsibilities were. Again, never underestimate a child's wisdom.
Here’s what they came up with (note: the students were deciding on what my responsibilities were, not me)
My teacher is responsible for keeping me safe.
My teacher is responsible for making me think.
My teacher is responsible for helping me grow.
My teacher is responsible for being funny, interesting, and loving.
My teacher is responsible for being curious.
There were several more responsibilities, and I agreed with all of them. (I was especially touched by the “my teacher is responsible for being loving” contribution.)
Our Community Constitution.
When we finished our deliberations (which took only several hours, much faster than those guys in Constitution Hall in 1787), our scribe had created our official Community Constitution.
I asked every child to copy it into the front of their notebook.
When a visitor came to our class, I always asked a child to point out our Constitution and how we had created it. Parents and other adults loved it.
It would not be an exaggeration to say that classroom management ran on autopilot because of the time and thoughtful conversations that went into writing our Constitution.
How writing a Constitution can strengthen your relationships.
I am in a long-term, intimate relationship with a woman I love dearly, and I never take that relationship for granted. If you are in such a relationship or aspire to one, then spending time thinking about rights, respect, and responsibility is an investment you will never regret.
Here are some constitutional-style questions for you to consider…
What rights do you have in your relationship to maintain proper boundaries?
How can you respect your partner in ways that your partner values?
Can you agree on a division of responsibilities?
Which responsibilities are shared, and how do you juggle them?
Although it doesn’t fit neatly into the 3 R’s model, can you anticipate flexibility in your relationship Constitution? Where, specifically?
In addition, I would add another category beyond rights, respect, and responsibilities.
Values.
What are your values, the ones that you will not compromise?
Do you share the same values? If not, are the conflicting values a deal-breaker?
Writing a constitution is more about cultivating understanding, compassion, and safety than the final product.
We wear rings to symbolize love and union. Constitutions can do the same thing.
We wear rings to symbolize love and union. Constitutions can do the same thing.
My wish for you is that you and your fellow community members or partners can agree to disagree as you strive to forge stronger relationships.
Remember, focusing on what you have in common rather than what pulls you apart is far more important if you want to avoid polarization and the dissolution of your relationships.
What a brilliant idea, perhaps that is something that could be brought into our schools here in Australia just to show the children that teachers have feeling too. The situation here is really bad, and the parents don’t help as there response is that their child wouldn’t do or say that. Unfortunately there are no consequences for bad behaviour anymore.